CHUD II: Bud the Chud (1989) Film Review (1/5)

Before there was a website that blatantly stole the initials CHUD, there was a movie of the same name. “CHUD,” short for Cannabilistic Humanoid Underworld Dwellers, or something close to that. It was pretty popular, and I imagine it will be reviewed here eventually, so I won’t get into that since it’s been awhile since I’ve seen it. However, since “CHUD” was so popular, and since “Return of the Living Dead” made a good stack of cash a year later, they return to the zombie well with the horror-comedy “CHUD II: Bud the CHUD.”

Kevin (Bill Calvert) and Steven (Boy Meets World’s Brian Robbins, who somehow managed to go ten years without changing his haircut) are two guys who are polar opposites. Kevin is a nerdy-type with glasses, and Steven is a leather-jacket-wearing cool kid with an awesome curly mullet. Somehow, both Nerdo and Mullet are failing biology class, so to get a leg up on the competition, they come up with the brilliant idea to steal the bio teacher’s pet cadaver, who just so happens to be part of a military experiment to create a race of zombie super warriors.

Following along so far? I know it sounds complicated, but believe me, in reality it’s just incredibly dumb, and a rip-off of much better movies than this. Let’s forge onward.
Realizing that their pet corpse has been stolen, the commander of the top secret base that’s storing CHUDs, Masters (Robert Vaughn) is on a half-hearted quest to get back his property, dragging along erstwhile administrator Graves (Larry Cedar) along for the ride. There’s just one problem. The CHUD, who was deceased, gets accidentally reawakened by a blast of hairdryer electricity. Whoops.

Bud the CHUD (Gerrit Graham) is the only character in this movie that is actually interesting, and he’s just interesting because he’s the source of pretty much all the comedy that doesn’t come from Col. Masters’ rants. But he’s not very funny; even at his best, Bud comes across as lame. Then again, what can you expect from a sequel to CHUD, anyway? It’s not magic by any stretch of the imagination, but they could’ve tried harder to be funny and provided a little bit more gore to keep me interested.

The only part of this film that’s remotely interesting is the cutie-in-distress Katie (Tricia Leigh Fisher), who manages to be the object of affection from Kevin, Steven, and Bud all in one fell swoop. Bud, true to his nature, is the most romantically adept of the bunch, as he’s the only one who truly gives his heart to Katie. There’s nothing more romantic than a brain-eating monster in his Sunday best. And to think, he gets killed (or re-killed, I guess) before he can even get to second base! All he wanted to do was give her a little kiss… with his teeth… to her brain.

Isn’t that what every man wants, deep down?

Another interesting game to play while you’re being bored into submission by “CHUD II” is to count all the scenes in this turd that have been ripped off from other, better movies, like the “Thriller”-style CHUD dance routines, the “Return of the Living Dead” bumbling military and zombie boyfriend, and the school-dance-in-peril scene that was ripped off by “Buffy The Vampire Slayer.”

Unfortunately, the good things they stole from elsewhere are poorly executed, which puts this piece firmly in the crapper. Maybe you can drink your way through it or something; all I know is I was struggling not to turn the channel to watch The Faith Channel instead of this crap-fu. It’s almost so bad it’s good, but doesn’t quite get over that hump.

Heh, I said hump.

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