Picking a random movie off the shelves of the local video store is an exercise in great faith. You have to have faith that the cool-looking box doesn’t contain suckular sucktitude. Odds are, the cooler the box, the shittier the movie; if it is a film you’ve never heard of, it more than likely will suck amazingly fiercely. Nevertheless, I decided to pick something at random from the movie shelves of Cockblocker called THE BUNKER. Oddly enough, the reason I haven’t heard of it is because it is British, not because it sucks. Surprise, surprise. It’s actually a pretty good flick, if you can trust my opinion. I’ll be honest, I was pretty drunk while I was watching it, and I started it one day and finished it the next, so take this admonition for what it’s worth. I never said I was an objective reviewer, just a reviewer, and this box was pretty kickass.
The basic premise is that there are Nazis in a bunker, near the ass-end of WWII, hiding from the oncoming Allied troops who are waiting to FUBAR their shit. Of course, not everything goes as planned, because this is a horror movie, not Saving Ryan’s Privates. I’d tell you something about all the characters or actors, but I’ll be honest. They’re all British, they’re all dirty, and they all have really long German character names, so I really had a lot of trouble telling the Heydrich (Christopher Fairbank) from the Baumann (Jason Flemyng, who I like) from the Kreuzmanns (Eddie Marsan). So fuck it. I’m sure there are other notable actors, but I don’t know who they are, no can I quite remember who did what to whom. They’re all wearing uniforms, anyway, so they all look alike.
It’s a well-acted flick, but the cover is totally misleading, as usual. It was a cartoon corpse in an SS uniform, which made me think it’d be a no-budget gore-fest with lots of leaking organs and blood and cheap makeup. Instead what I got was a movie that was trying to be a smart commentary on groupthink and the psychological effects of post-traumatic stress disorder on soldiers and the dehumanizing nature of war with one zombie thrown in for effect. It’s not poorly acted, the uniforms are historically on, and it’s pretty decent looking, but it’s not what I expected, and the first hour is terribly slow plot explanation designed to set up for a big payoff that never actually came.
It’s not that the film is bad. Had I been expecting what I’d gotten, I might have actually enjoyed it, but that’s not what I wanted, and on second viewing, it still drags ass in the beginning for too long before people start dying and things start getting scary. Oh well. It’s not a total loss. I’ve seen a whole lot worse.
I’ll be kind, I guess, and give it a middle-of-the-road rating, with the caveat that you cannot judge a DVD by its cover.