Upon the upcoming robot rebellion

Dear Blade Runner,

Thanks a-fucking lot. I hope you’re out there somewhere, gun in hand, ready to kill this thing.   If you’re not, you’re seriously sleeping on the job.  I don’t need to see a Voight-Kampff test to know this monstrosity is pure evil straight out of Uncanny Valley.  Curing polio = good; killbots = bad.

I don’t want to have to call Michael Biehn, but I’ll do it.  Don’t force my hand here.   He’s not as good as you are, but I know he can get the job done, and he’s not even close to being a replicant.

This thing is seriously creeping me out right now.  Make it gone.  ASAP.

Thanks in advance,


PS:  I can hear you now.  “Oh Ron, nothing can be that creepy!”  “It’s just a harmless scientific tool!”  “Think of the potential for sexbots in the future!”  Well, I don’t need a sexbot if it’s going to be evil, thank you very much.  You fucking pervert.  Blow-Up Wanda still works just fine for what I need her for.  Staring into those cold, black, dead eyes is a certified mood-killer, regardless of how nice the robojugs might be.

Just watch this unaltered footage and see the evil ooze off that monstrosity.  They even programmed it to come with its own evil cry and frightening soundtrack!

PPS:  Besides, look at your average scientist.  You think he knows what a boob feels like?  Of course he doesn’t.  If I wanted cold, fake, and soulless, I’d call Paris Hilton.


3 Responses to “Upon the upcoming robot rebellion”

  1. D. Peace Says:

    I once had a long and deeply unpleasant conversation with my brother, in which I sincerely took the unpopular position that depending upon robotic technology is dangerous and that it’s possible to create computer systems that are self-aware, capable of understanding their own existence, and therefore unpredictable.

    He’s laughed at me ever since, but I really think science is getting closer all the time.

    I’m not a nut (really, I swear!)… I mean it’s not something I’m truly worried about or anything, but I do maintain robot uprising COULD happen.

  2. Ron Says:

    It’s actually something, while not afraid, I believe could happen as well. Obviously. We create many monsters, human and otherwise.

  3. We’re doomed! Every year we’re doomed! « Subtle Bluntness Says:

    […] we’re doomed! When will people ever learn? Nobody listened to me when I railed against the Japanese toddler robot, and now there’s Zeno. Zeno, the boy […]

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