the machines at work feed me now

I am not a morning person, nor am I a good sleeper as you can see by the post about my odd nighttime habits. On a good day, I’ll get 5 or 6 hours of sleep and take a brief nap when I get home from work. Most of the time, I’ll get a brief nap in before work and sleep the bulk of my daily sleep needs during the prime-time TV lineup (not as much because I’m tired but because I generally don’t watch anything on TV until Adult Swim comes on).

I generally drink two or three sodas while at work, and at least two or three cups of coffee, if not more (it depends on who makes it and if it’s any good that day). The first thing I do at work, once I’m settled in for my day, is get a cup of coffee, put in a packet of Equal, and open a caffeinated diet soda of some sort. Diet Pepsi, Diet Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper, whatever. Doesn’t matter. I have a hot drink, a cold drink, and I alternate between the two until lunch, at which point it’s usually just soda.

I preferred Coke for many years, because of its higher caffeine content than Pepsi, but Pepsi has launched (technically relaunched) something here that’s completely overtaken my love of my silver can of ‘good morning.’ It’s revolutionary, folks; I won’t even bullshit you here.

I present to you, my readers, the greatest thing ever: Diet Pepsi Max. Nearly three times as much caffeine as regular Diet Pepsi with added ginseng, Diet Pepsi Max is an invigorating roundhouse kick to the face and the perfect way to bridge the gap between waking up and actually being awake. The only way Diet Coke could top this is if they went back to their original recipe and added cocaine again. Until that day, Pepsi Max is the new breakfast of champions, at least until Pepsi Max Coffee Cino is released here in the US (ask my British friend Sarah about that one).

Hoot on, night owls. Pepsi’s got you covered.

Author’s note: This is not a paid endorsement, but I’m always willing to sell out to the highest bidder. You make the offer, Pepsi. You know how to reach me. Me love you long time.

Author’s note 2: This post was brought to you in part by McDonald’s. McDonald’s: I’m lovin’ it!


10 Responses to “the machines at work feed me now”

  1. Sarah Dobbs Says:


    I want this. I am still sad that Pepsi Max Cino has been discontinued… but, wait, now I’m confused: do you guys not have both Diet Pepsi, and Pepsi Max? Because surely Diet Pepsi Max is redundant? ARGHHHH.

  2. Ron Says:

    We have both Diet Pepsi and Diet Pepsi Max. Generally everything that has no sugar in it, like what you call “Pepsi Max” gets tagged as diet here, so we know not to expect a big sugar smack from it.

    Do you guys have Diet Pepsi Jazz?

  3. Sarah Dobbs Says:

    No! What is this Jazz of which you speak?

    Also, are you suffering from the Coke Light/Coke Zero plague as horribly as we are?

  4. Ginger Says:

    I have a hot drink, a cold drink, and I alternate between the two until lunch, at which point it’s usually just soda.

    I thought I was the only one who did this! This truly scares me. I think we may be soul mates. lololol!

    Although, it has to be a fountain drink…like, 44 oz from the Exxon Tiger Mart.

    Have you ever tried the CocaCola Black that Coke tried to pull off? It’s coke infused with coffee. As a lover of both, I must say that combining them tasted something very similar to nuclear waste. yuk.

  5. Jade Says:

    Feh, wait until you taste Vanilla Zero, you will be singing teh praises of Coke again in no time. 🙂

  6. Ron Says:

    Dobbs: Pepsi Jazz is a diet pepsi with some interesting flavors to it. Black cherry and french vanilla, strawberries and cream, caramel and cream… I know it sounds ass, but it’s actually really good. We also do have the Coke Zero/Pepsi One here. I don’t like Coke Zero, but I like Cherry Coke Zero and they have Vanilla Coke Zero that I’m aching to try.

    Ginger: Ivy says we’re weird for alternating hot and cold drinks like that. I think she’s weird for adopting a name based on a plant.

    Jade: I dunno, Vanilla Coke Zero sounds more like an aperatif and less of a breakfast.

  7. D. Peace Says:

    I am also a self-confessed caffeine junkie. I crave it. I can’t live without it.

    Before I got my newest job, I was also a huge night-owl. I went a few years without ever going to bed before 2 am.

    The variety of colas out there is confusing because I’m a moron. Colas have seemingly interchangable designations such as Diet, Max, Zero, and Free. I have no idea what these words mean.

    They also have bizarre flavor combinations that are combined in random patterns. Lime, Vanilla, Lemon, and Cherry are all added to the existing Coke or Pepsi formula in any hodge-podge arrangement.

    I just want to skip the whole “choose your cola” process and inject the caffeine directly into my fucking veins. That will save time and confusion on my part.

  8. Ron Says:

    Peace, I’ve found that a great way to skip all the cola process is to buy caffeine pills, crush them on a hard surface, and snort them. Much easier, and no guesswork involved.

  9. Jade Says:

    noooooooooo, not the caffeine pills!

    I had a very bad experience with those in my college days. My fiance (now ex-) and I were planning a long drive home and decided to get some caffeine pills to keep us awake for said trip. We found some that were “time-release” capsules, which we thought would fit the bill–after all, we wanted to be kept awake the entire drive and not have to worry about the pills wearing off before we got home. Took the recommended dose and headed out. However, they didn’t appear to work; we were about halfway home and already starting to get a little weary. After much discussion, we decided another dose would be sure to do the trick.

    That was an understatement; we were almost home when BOTH doses kicked in at the same time. My fiance’s hands were shaking so badly, it was amazing we managed to get home without wrecking the car. We both staggered upstairs and collapsed; he got as far as the living room couch, I managed to make it to the bedroom. We were both shaking like mad, our hearts pounding like they were going to burst out of our chests. I thought I was going to die right then and there. If one of us could have gotten to the phone, we would have called an ambulance, but neither of us could do anything but lie where we were and shake for hours. Eventually, the pills wore off and we were fine, but it was one of the scariest nights of my life. I haven’t touched a caffeine pill since.

  10. Ron Says:

    Yeeesh, Jade. That’s a frightening story!

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