As I looked at myself in the mirror, I wondered, “What could I possibly do to make myself look less sexy?” Then like a smack upside the head from the Vampire King of Country Western Troubadors, Unknown Hinson, it hit me. Big gay muttonchops.
You see, all my heroes have had muttonchops. People like this guy:
And of course, who could forget this guy?
And now, there’s this guy, better known as me.
Now I’ve got a lucrative gig playing stand-up bass for Tiger Army. I just need to get some Pomade and I’ll be set for life. Do they even make Pomade anymore? I guess it doesn’t really matter, because in a pinch I can use bacon grease like Corp. Agarn from F-Troop.
Author’s note: Yes, I always look like a serial killer. I can’t help it. It probably has to do with the fact that I killed all those people.