the man, the myth, the muttonchop

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I wondered, “What could I possibly do to make myself look less sexy?”  Then like a smack upside the head from the Vampire King of Country Western Troubadors, Unknown Hinson, it hit me.  Big gay muttonchops.

You see, all my heroes have had muttonchops.  People like this guy:

big e

This guy:

unknown hinson

And of course, who could forget this guy?

 ambrose burnside

And now, there’s this guy, better known as me.


Now I’ve got a lucrative gig playing stand-up bass for Tiger Army.  I just need to get some Pomade and I’ll be set for life.  Do they even make Pomade anymore?  I guess it doesn’t really matter, because in a pinch I can use bacon grease like Corp. Agarn from F-Troop.

Author’s note:  Yes, I always look like a serial killer.  I can’t help it.  It probably has to do with the fact that I killed all those people.


8 Responses to “the man, the myth, the muttonchop”

  1. newscoma Says:

    Your last three sentences made me laugh hysterically.

  2. Klinde Says:

    Okay Mr. Muttonchops, would you make the trip to N’ville for Oktoberfest at chez Klinde? Coma, SQ and Badger have rooms at my house; however, you have the cousin connection… Think about it. Details forthcoming…

  3. Jade Says:

    Fun people and beer? Somehow I don’t see him needing to think too long about that. 😉

  4. Ron Says:

    ‘coma: Me too, which makes it hard to type.

    Klinde & Jade: I think I could definitely make the trip down to der haus Klinde for Oktoberfest. How could I pass up celebrating everything German with a legitimate German!

  5. Squirrel Queen Says:

    You need some Dapper Dan pomade.
    I’m thinking that would make you bonafide.
    Also, there is a twinge of serial killer in that snapshot. Just a twinge.

  6. kristen Says:


    so nice to put a face with the name. You rock and I don’t think you look like a serial killer at all.

  7. Ron Says:

    Thanks! I try not to actively cultivate that appearance, but there’s something about the way my eyes look when I’m taking a picture of myself that just gives me the creeps. And I know I’m mostly harmless!

  8. long haired freaky people need not apply « Subtle Bluntness Says:

    […] my hair grow for quite some time. Why? I don’t know (which is the same reason why I grew my muttonchops). I’m just too lazy to get a haircut, I […]

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