Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown.

I feel like blogging, but I don’t really have anything cool going on that I feel like talking about, nor do I want to bore everyone with a discussion of Hank Williams III. So, to celebrate the middle of the week, here are 5 of the most bizarre things I’ve read over the past week and a half.

After many years of torment, hamsters have finally developed a defense against Richard Gere.

Meteor shit!”

I bet money those Peruvians now have an insatiable hunger for brains. Lima is now under siege, and only Nathan Fillion can save them (for my older readers, please substitute Steve McQueen). If only that meteor hadn’t been discovered by that goldurn lunkhead Jordy Verrill.

The uprising has begun! I just hope that The Squirrel Queen remembers what a good friend and traitor to the human race I’ve been and spares my life.

“Don’t tase me, bro!”

Was it excessive? Yes. Do I think the kid wanted to be Tased in such a public forum? Yes. Do I still laugh? Oh yeah. There’s nothing funnier than the abuse of power when done on the right publicity-seeking moron.

Dear MacGyver,

Enclosed are bottle of detergent, a piece of wood and a rubber glove. Please make me a sex toy.

Signed,

Jamie Lacey

Surprisingly, no sheep were involved. Unsurprisingly, a vacuum was.

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