lrn2read, noob

Okay, so all three of you who were expecting Christmas cards, they’ll probably be a little late. Or a little not at all. Why is that?

Well, Monday, I went to the local holiday card outlet store and, after glancing through the store for the most flamingly gay box of cards I could find (literally, they have sparkles, sparkly gold lettering, and red bows on them), grabbed a box with the intention of getting them all done in one day and sent out in the nick of time.

Of course, because I’m me, I didn’t actually grab Christmas cards with envelopes. No, I grabbed gift card holders with envelopes.

This is one of the many reasons I hate Christmas, and yet another reason as to why I’m a Grinch of epic proportions. Even when I TRY to do something holiday-themed against my will, hoping that by hooking my nipples up to the car battery of Yuletide festiveness I’ll somehow be infused with Christmas spirit, I reek of epic fail. I try to be holiday spirited, but it’s like at the moment my sleigh slides down into Whoville and I’m giving back presents, Cindy Lou Who kicks me in the balls.

So, uh… do any of you kids need 12 gift card holders by any chance? They’re free to a good home.

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5 Responses to “lrn2read, noob”

  1. Jade Says:

    Feh, cards iz cards–send them anyway, just throw a scribble on a piece of paper where the gift card would be, ya big silly. :p

  2. Ron Says:

    I can’t even do that, they don’t have actual envelopes, just these little festive card garters to hold them shut! They’re not street legal, as it were.

  3. Ginger Says:

    You can still send me a gift card holder…with a Sonic gift card. 😉

  4. Ron Says:

    I’m not going to feed your sugar water addiction, Ginger. I’m no pusherman.

  5. mia Says:

    Ooh Ooh, pick me! Pick me! Lol! I’ll use your disgruntled cash cards and envelopes to make paper airplanes for my kids for Christmas this year if I may…..

    I just don’t hate Christmas, I loooooathe it! Why do parents insist on entering Walmart, Target or the like with their damn, screaming brats. Don’t get me wrong. I have six brats living at home (which I’m am totally dedicated to and love immensely) but if those parents kids are anything like mine in a store I pledge to shop alone no matter what the cost of the babysitter. It’s either that or duct tape my kids to the shopping cart mouth and all.

    Seriously though, I avoid the stores during Christmas except for regular grocery shopping. I hate office Christmas parties in which I’ve only attended one and vowed that if I ever get the idea of attending another then my best friend has permission to wack me over the head with a two by four. People are ignorant, rude, greedy, arrogant, superficial, prideful and selfish in general and Christmas just enhances this behaviour. When push comes to shove in grocery stores true colours shine through. I’ve watched many people fight and argue over turkeys, stuffing, the latest gadget, standing in another’s way, long check out lines, etc. Ugh! It’s nauseating!

    If you want some entertainment for a Saturday afternoon before Christmas just head to Walmart with a coffee or tea and a bagel, grab a cart, wander the store and just watch!

    We haven’t been in a store yet this season, I’m spending sixty bucks each kid most likely cash cuz that’s what they want, my credit card is cut up and has a zero balance, we are having a nice dinner like we do every day and we are giving in our community like we do all year round!

    Sooooo not Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings….It’s Merry Fucking Christmas people!

    And Jesus? YOU are the main reason I barely tolerate this disgusting, overrated, I want, I want, me, me, me season!

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