Santa at the Drive-In

Everyone has a favourite holiday. For people like me, that favourite holiday is Halloween. The airwaves are full of horror movies, websites indulge in theme weeks celebrating underappreciated horror films (ahem), there’s lots of candy and treats, pumpkin-flavored beer, cool costumes, and general indulgence of our darker natures. Then, there’s the antithesis of Halloween: Christmas.

Ahh, Christmas, the all-consuming black hole of the winter holiday season whose approach means big money for stores of all sizes, shapes, and genres. This is one of the few times of year I find myself beyond miserable, and that time of year is starting earlier and ending later every year. Any holiday or pseudo-holiday in Christmas’s orbit is sucked in, subsumed wholly, by the Christmas monolith.

First, Christmas came Chanukah, and I said nothing (after all, I’m not Jewish, and my Jewish friends say that Chanukah isn’t such a big deal for them as Christmas is for everyone else). Next, Christmas consumed Kwanzaa (which I didn’t care about, as Kwanzaa is a completely invented holiday made up in the late 60s and has never had a bigger meaning). Then, it ate New Year’s, and I said nothing (Christmas decorations stay up until the New Year most places). Then, Christmas came for Thanksgiving Day, and I said nothing (mostly because I ate too much turkey and kept falling asleep in front of the television). Thanksgiving is merely the day before the official launching point to the Christmas shopping season in America, the ominously named Black Friday. Now, Christmas comes for Halloween, and there is no one to stand with me (or at least complain loudly on the Internet).

But, perhaps, not all hope is lost for redeeming this holiday season, even though the only person who knows my grandmother’s custard recipe is my aunt. I mean, I did receive The Simpsons Movie on DVD for an early Christmas present.

So I got that going for me, which is nice.

Plus, there’s always Joe Bob Briggs’s Christmas poem and Joe Bob Briggs’s Christmas Special videos over at the Wittenburg Door to make me grin dumbly and explain why I spent three hours looking for/at Joe Bob clips on YouTube.


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