My Redheaded Weakness

Superman has Kryptonite, Wolverine has the MRI machine, and I have redheads. Yes, those damn ginger chicks are my biggest weakness, especially if they’re as smart and sexy as the comic book version of Mary Jane Watson. It’s a shame she’s probably going to die.

Joe Quesada, in his infinite wisdom, wants to screw that up by killing MJ off in some stupidly inane plot (God forbid the only normalish character in the Marvel Universe gets a normal marriage ending like divorce). Never fear, for I have a plan to save my favorite Marvel girl. Here’s what I’d do with that sweet sweet Mary Jane.

Unfortunately, it’s a good plan that is respectful to the overwhelming wishes of other Spidey fans, so it’ll never happen. MJ’s going to get cancer from Spidey’s radioactive semen, or shot, or get sacrificed to Satan, or something else equally disrespectful and gross. At least Jason Todd got to die in a cool explosion. MJ won’t get that respect.

Author’s Note: I know, it’s kind of odd to be attracted to a comic book character, but MJ is funny, smart, hot, and able to take care of herself in a world full of superbeings out to use her as Spidey bait, so a weekend on the couch with me watching football is probably a dream come true. Plus she puts up with Peter Parker’s emo-gayness, so she’s probably ready for someone blatantly heterosexual to enter her life. Also, I imagine she’s very well off from being a model and actress or whatever it is she’s doing these days, so I’m sure she’s willing to support me in the manner to which I want to be accustomed. Besides, it’s not creepy, Sarah likes her too and she’s more a Black Cat kind of girl.

Author’s Note 2: Okay, yeah, it probably is a little creepy. Fuck you for judging me!

Author’s Note 3: Comic book MJ > movie MJ. Sorry, Hortense the Mule-Faced Girl is not and never will be a suitable Mary Jane. Spider-man’s girlfriend is supposed to be attractive and talanted, not have a face like a chainsaw sculpture.


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6 Responses to “My Redheaded Weakness”

  1. Jade Says:

    Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little crush on a comic book character (I myself used to have the serious hots for X-Men’s Nightcrawler back in the day), unless of course it borders on delusional.

    Personally, I think Joe Quesada needs a little face-to-face time with my barbed-wire baseball bat just for even thinking about removing Ms. Watson-Parker from the Marvel Universe. Then again, perhaps she’s going to get the Jean Grey treatment and die and resurrect ad infinitum.

  2. Ron Says:

    I’m sure she’ll come back (only unpopular characters truly die), but it’s the point of the whole thing. Spider-man is the only one with a normal, semi-functional relationship! Argh.

    I tihnk Joe Quesada needs to step down. One More Day has been so poorly recieved and fucked with that J. Michael Straczynski had to be talked out of taking his name off it.

  3. Sarah Dobbs Says:

    Thing is, she’s not dead. They just retconned the marriage. She’s alive, but was never married to Peter now.

  4. Ron Says:

    Wow, that’s… even dumber than killing her off. Urgh. Joe Q really needs to step down.

  5. Sarah Dobbs Says:

    Well, no-one would identify with a widower, right?

  6. Ron Says:

    True, but most people between the ages of 20 and 35 have been divorced or will get divorced! That’s why it was the most logical choice!

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