Sometimes it feels like the only reason the world kicks you in the balls is so that, while you’re down on the ground cradling your fractured children, it can rear back and plant a boot right in your teeth. It’s been a rotten rat-fucking week for your boy. I’m not feeling well, I’ve gotten a ton of bad news lately, I’m cranky and irritable and generally pissed off all the time, but you know what?
One of my favorite bands ever, The Queers, is gonna be here tomorrow. So as Joe Queer and company would say, “Fuck this world, I’m hanging out with you tonight.”
I called in sick to work today and stayed in bed ’til noon
And now I just don’t care what’s going on outside this room
Things aren’t getting better
My future’s not too bright
Fuck the world I’m hanging out with you tonight
[insert whoas here]
Me and you will walk around so pointlessly
Smashing things, jacked up on way too much caffeine
I’m really going nowhere
I hate this shitty life
Fuck the world I’m hanging out with you tonight
[more whoas]
Fuck the world I’m hanging out with you tonight
[repeat until the end]
I’ve seen them once before already, which was awesome. They didn’t have Wimpy or Danny Vapid with them, unfortunately. They didt have former Teen Idol and Nashvillian Phillip Hill, though (I think; I won’t bet on it). I have no idea who is in their current lineup, but so long as Joe Queer is there it doesn’t really matter that much.
For those of you not in the know, the hip thing among the kids these days is to squeeze a little money out of your blogs, no matter how personal and unvisited they might be. Since I’ll be taking over the web hosting fees for PopFi soonishly, I went ahead and registered the domain subtlebluntness.com for myself. If you wouldn’t mind turning your many bookmarks in that direction, I would be forever in your debt.
So, Ron, when will you pollute your blog with official advertisements, and not just shameless self-whoring posts?
I don’t know, Strangely Abusive Internal Monologue. Maybe never, given how well my whole ‘port over old movie reviews from Living Corpse and add more to them’ plan went. Maybe as soon as this weekend. You can never tell with me, I just like to make sure everyone is warned well ahead of time, just in case.
Hey gang. For those of you that have iPods or other MP3 playing devices, let’s try something different tonight. Instead of stealing music like you usually do, thereby depriving Jay Z of his much-needed fifth Bentley, why don’t you do something good with your life and listen to an hour of sports talk featuring yours truly (that’s me; no, not that guy, the other one).
Head on over here and find out all the details. Subscribe to us on iTunes, download us to your MP3 player, or acid etch us onto a flat, round piece of vinyl for your listening pleasure. I promise you you’ll enjoy yourself, or your money back!
Author’s note: Money back guarantee void in the continental United States or where prohibited by law. Plus it’s free, so you don’t get money back either way. Don’t think you can cheat me, you bastards.
I love this song, and I wish Black Flag would reunite their 5-man lineup and come to my town. I know they’re all old and don’t get along now, but it’s not like I’d be giving them a choice. It’s my fantasy, after all, so I’ll make them do whatever I want.
This is kind of a melancholy FGF, because this is my favorite local band, I’ve seen them like 20 times, and their last show is September 13th. It’s sad when things like this happen, but at least I’ll know to get down to Headliners and catch their last performance, no matter what. (They played on my birthday, but I didn’t go. D’oh!) It’s only $10, so I have no excuses despite my mild distaste for the venue of performance’s lack of parking.
Yes, I am in the video. Repeatedly. Mostly it’s my back, though, because I’m a moron. Still, that’s me in the BrooklynHookers.com teeshirt (black, lettering in a circle, fat guy… you can’t miss me). This video was one drummer and two or three rhythm guitarists in the past, so probably about 2003 or 2004. Just my best guess.
Nope, no birthday hangover because I didn’t go out and do anything wild for my birthday. I got distracted by the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. All those sparkly doodads, flying lights, and fireworks just kind of mesmerized me like a particularly dumb bird. The next thing I know it’s midnight, the local news is on, and I’ve somehow lost about 4 hours of my time. Still, it was a lot of fun, and a very appropriate way for the Chinese to pay tribute to those of us born under the sign of the Monkey.
More importantly, I wanted to thank you guys for all your birthday wishes. No matter where or how, you all came through for me and successfully we got me through a pretty lousy day, health-wise, with good spirits, good cheer, and lots and lots of love. I really appreciate it. You guys are the best.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got something in my eye.
A few months back, Newscoma came to me and said, “Ron, you write everywhere. You really need to keep it all in one place in case the websites go offline.” I agreed and made notes to myself to do this. That was months ago.
Because I’m lazy, and because it’s been around for like 4 years, I figured that my old work at Living Corpse/Film Sewer would be the last things I’d have to worry about. After all, when I tried to buy the site in October 2006, I was told that it would be around forever, as long as the owner has the money to pay for it. While I have copied over a bunch of the reviews I had, there were another 50 or more left to transfer over. I’d do them in bunches, do a little editing to the old work as I went along, and reposted them here.
Life gets in the way, I get some writing work, I get lazy (again), and then when I go back to check on the old reviews, the website is gone and remains gone as of a few days ago. It’s not even a question of me not having the old reviews, because I compulsively backed up everything during my time as chief editor of the website. It’s more a question of the fragile nature of the work we here do in the internet aether. What you spend hours or years on may be gone before you know it, so save every little bit of electronic detritus you may produce if you think you’ll ever want to see it again.
So in that spirit, does anyone know how to make an archival backup of a WordPress.com blog? Internet magicians, heed me in my hour of need!
As I was glancing through the list of incoming links to my blog, I noticed something. A strange reference link coming to here from Wikipedia. As I’m not a Wikipedia editor, and I’ve never made any changes to Wikipedia to add anything I do for any of these various websites and magazines, I was confused. What could have possibly driven a Wikipedia user to my humble commode?
If any other Wikipedia editors are reading this, feel free to add links to all my movie reviews, interviews, and et cetera to various Wikipedia pages. The last thing I’d ever complain about is free publicity!
I know I promised to do a movie review a week here at the ol’ homestead, but I’ve just been too busy doing movie reviews where people will read them. I know you’re terribly disappointed, all 9 of you who read my blog faithfully. Well, it’d better be faithfully, because if you’re cheating on me and reading other blogs on the side then I’ll cry and cry my little eyes out you heartbreakers! How could you do this to me?! How could you do this to our blog family?! WHY?!?!?!
Ahem, sorry. Too much “Cheating Spouses Exposed!” on Maury. Got a little carried away with the dramatics.
I know I said I’d do a movie review a week here at the blog, but I’ve just been too busy doing high quality first-run movie reviews over at Den of Geek where an adoring audience of hundreds of people see my post titles and continue on about their day without stopping to read or comment, which is a refreshing change of pace from the usual troll I attract. Must be my pants made out of troll bait or my billy-goats Gruff shoes.
On that note, would you believe that I saw and loved the new Get Smart movie this weekend? No? Well, how about that Get Smart was the #1 movie at the box office this weekend? Well, what if I told you that one day I will eventually get back on my movie reviewing horse (I named him Horse With No Name) and ride out to Bad Horror Hill and shoot down the Bert I. Gordon gang, then review whatever awful movies I come across? Is that better?
I promise, one day soon I’ll start reviewing more of the crap I smear on my eyeballs and force into my brain (thanks, TV!). Then after you read it and gouge out your eyes in horror at what I put myself through, you’ll have no one to blame but yourselves for making me actually follow through on my dumb promise. Well, yourself and the Sci-Fi Channel, I guess. I swear, NBC Universal owns more bad movies than Lloyd Kaufman and Roger Corman put together, and I just.
I originally wanted to give Kung Fu Panda 3.5 out of 5, but Den of Geek won’t let us give half stars on our reviews, so they bumped it down to 3. It’s better than a 3 star movie, so I had Sarah bump it back up to a 4. It’s a fair rating; 3 is an average movie, 4 is above average. It’s not as good as Shrek, but it’s better than Shrek 3.
If you twisted my arm, I’d say it’s safely an above average movie. It’s not the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, but it is pretty funny. More smiles and chuckles than guffaws, though it has definite belly laughs. It’s got a pretty good amount of action without being overly frenetic, but it does have its moments of frenzy that detract slightly from the overall effect.
I have some issues with assigning numerical ratings to something as subjective as a movie. I know how people are (I used to be one myself, before I transcended my physical form and became a noncorporeal being of pure energy), and they tend to gloss over the review and skip directly to the overall rating for fear of spoilers or general laziness. On the other hand, I know that a lot of reviewers, myself included, can tend to fixate on either what they like or didn’t like, rather than give the full picture.
The star designation can soften or sharpen a review as appropriate, which is one of the reasons why I use numerical designations of film quality. Another reason is for comparison purposes; if you and I both think Dr. Phibes Rises Again is a 4 star movie, but you’ve never seen Dolls (which I also rate as 4 stars), you might feel comfortable enough in our shared tastes to check out the criminally neglected 1987 Stuart Gordon classic about killer dollies because I think it is on par with a 1972 Vincent Price classic.
Not that, uh, anyone asked me why I do things the way I do them.
Subtle Bluntness 