Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

Burn After Reading And The Coen Brothers Abide, Man

September 22, 2008

For those of you who’ve been reading back a few months, you’ll remember my summer movie spree where I’d throw up a couple of paragraphs, shoe-horn in a link to my latest Den of Geek review (like this one for Burn After Reading), and call it a night. Mostly because I was so busy watching and reviewing everything that was coming out, I didn’t have much time for anything else.

I have a bit more time now, so I’ll do my best to place Burn After Reading in the Coen Brothers pantheon. Den of Geek did this awhile back with a Coen Ready Reckoner, but only three stars for No Country is insane. No stars from me on this version. Given that the Coen Brothers worst movie is still probably three stars from someone else, take this list with a grain of salt (except for Intolerable Cruelty, Catherine Zeta Jones is horrible). Also, it’s been awhile since I’ve watched some of these movies, so forgive me if I slag off on your favorite. I’m also cutting out movies they only directed parts of.

Anyway, here we go.

The Big Lebowski (I can’t count how many times I’ve watched this one, and it stays funny.)
No Country For Old Men
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Fargo
Burn After Reading
Raising Arizona
Miller’s Crossing
Blood Simple (I forgot how good the Brothers were at suspense.)
Barton Fink
The Man Who Wasn’t There
The Hudsucker Proxy (It didn’t get me at the time I saw it, I have to watch it again now that I’m older.)
The Ladykillers
Intolerable Cruelty

I know; I should seek out and watch Crimewave, just to see the only collaboration between the Coen Brothers, Bruce Campbell, and Sam Raimi. I’m going to catch Menno’s Mind on cable and watch it from the beginning ASAP, too. (It’s been doing the rounds on Showtime.)

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Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) review

August 26, 2008

I kind of want to say George Lucas raped my childhood with his CGI animated version of The Clone Wars, but he didn’t. He just… disappointed my childhood, like he couldn’t even properly brutalize my good memories of Star Wars. It’s a little like expecting to be molested by your drunken stepfather, but then realizing he likes your brother better. You’re kind of glad you didn’t get what you thought you were going to get, but you still feel a little rejected and confused.

Of course, I’ll probably still watch the TV series, because I’m still hopelessly a Star Wars fan, but the love in my heart for Luke and Leia and Chewie isn’t what it once was.

Death Race (2008) Review

August 24, 2008

I have a problem with any movie based heavily on cars. They always affect me a bit too much, and usually not for the best. Here’s an example:

After I saw Grindhouse, I sped all the way home. Not just like a little speeding, I mean a lot speeding. I had the highway to myself, so I just put the hammer down. Not all the way, but farther than I usually speed. After watching Paul W.S. Anderson’s remake of the 1975 cult classic Death Race 2000, I wanted to strap some .50 caliber machine guns onto the roof of my 1992 Buick four-door and drop a chunk of 6-inch-thick steel armor plating onto the jerk who tailgated me all the way home.

If you’re ready to go out and run down old ladies for extra points, read my Death Race review here. Actually, they took out the points system in this one, which is a shame. I loved the scene below.

Which only goes to show that even the fearsome Frankenstein has a 100% red-blooded American sense of humor!

Tropic Thunder (2008) review

August 21, 2008

I’ll just say this right out front. Tropic Thunder is the movie that’s going to revive Tom Cruise’s career. Seriously, he’s *that* good in this movie that if you see it for no other reason, go see it for Tom Cruise. I’ve never said that about Tom Cruise in my life, I’ve never imagined I’d ever have a reason to say that about Tom Cruise, but… here we are. I’m kind of ashamed to say he was amazing, but he really blew my mind with his most un-self-conscious, yet most winking, performance ever.

This is coming from someone who hates Tom Cruise, but… yeah, he’s absolutely brilliant.

Pineapple Express (2008) Review

August 8, 2008

You guys have no idea how proud I am of my half-brother Seth Rogen today. Last night I went to see his new movie, Pineapple Express, and I really enjoyed it. I consider it a knowing birthday present to me, and it was very nice of him.

Sure he doesn’t call as much as I’d like, or ever, but I know he’s thinking of me from his palacial Hollywood mansion when he’s not busy snorting cocaine off of supermodels and living every fat dude’s dream. Plus he’s growing the beard back, which I obviously approve of.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008) review

August 4, 2008

The Mummy 3 is, without a doubt, a dumb movie. Just when things seem like they’re getting more reasonable, something insane shows up and makes the movie that much crazier. Brendan Frasier is carved from a block of maple. Maria Bello has nothing to work with. There’s not enough Jet Li or Michelle Yeoh, and too much Luke Ford. They’re blatantly setting up the franchise for more sequels. The CGI (aside from the battle scenes) is dodgy at best. There’s not an actual, factual mummy.

Other than all that, it was surprisingly fun. I wouldn’t rent it on DVD, but seeing it on the big screen makes it more palatable. I shouldn’t have liked it, yet I have to say it’s more entertaining than X-Files: I Want to Believe.

Step Brothers (2008) Review

July 29, 2008

Will Ferrell is back, and he’s teaming with Anchorman director Adam McKay and scene-stealing legitimate actor turned professional dufus John C. Reilly in the new lowbrow comedy Step Brothers! You see, it’s funny because they’re both middle aged and they still live with their parents! Hahaha, they’re losers! There’s farting and grown men in their underwear and emotionally-stunted man-children screaming, preening, and chewing the scenary! Ahahaa, it’s mad l0lz, yo!

Or is it? Am I being sarcastic? Yes. Either way, to see just how this movie went wrong, and what the one good thing about it was aside from an uncharacteristic divergence from the normal plot progression of these sorts of movies, click here for lots of Den of Geek goodness and a review from me. And to think, I loved Anchorman in spite of its flaws.

Feel free to leave comments and register; if I remember right, DoG is giving away an iPhone.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe (2008) Review

July 26, 2008

Jump THIS shark, fanboy!

Jump THIS shark, fanboy!

I love The X-Files. From the first season until I went off to college, I watched the show religiously, no matter what time it was screened or what day of the week it was shown on. I saw the first movie on opening day; I have a couple of X-Files tee shirts somewhere in my closet, and even have the soundtrack album of music inspired by the show. I’m a fan, and as a fan I want the movie to be as successful as possible because I think the show ended too early thanks to David Duchovny thinking he could be a movie star.

The film opens with Mulder (Duchovny) standing outside Joliet State Correctional Institute with a suitcase in hand. Pulling up in an old police car bought at auction is Scully (Gillian Anderson). After a quick trip to James Brown’s church in Chicago and a long talk with Cab Calloway, the two decide to get the band back together and save the orphanage in which they grew up.

Oh wait, that’s the plot of The Blues Brothers. Sorry.

Here’s the plot of The X-Files: I Want to Believe, as well as a review.

Image found: here.

The Dark Knight (2008) Review

July 19, 2008

The Dark Knight is quite possibly the most hyped film of the year, thanks to the death of Heath Ledger. As it turns out, the second of Christopher Nolan’s Batman films might also be the best film of the year as well. Check out my comprehensive review at Den of Geek.

Honestly, this movie was so good writing the review was practically impossible. It’s so much easier to shred a movie for being bad, but when a movie is so great I have absolutely nothing to complain about? There’s nothing harder than that. I even tried to think of one thing to bitch about, but I had nothing! This might be the best comic book movie of all time. (Yes, better than X-Men 2, Spider-Man 2, and even Iron Man.)

Hellboy II: The Golden Army Review

July 15, 2008
Hellboy says click the links... or else

Hellboy says click the links... or else

If you’re interested in my thoughts on Hellboy, Guillermo Del Toro’s genius with visuals, the funniest movie singalong in some time, and of course my man-crush on the awesome Ron Perlman, click here and read my Den of Geek review of Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Featuring absolutely gorgeous cinematography and special effects (practical effects, not just CGI), Hellboy II could show George Lucas how to do CGI without overdoing CGI.

If that’s not enough for you (and I know it’s not, because you’re all insatiable for the stuff I love), then click further into the website and check out DoG’s exclusive interview with Hellboy II director Guillermo Del Toro as he chats all things Hellboy, The Hobbit, and how he’s become the guardian angel of first-time directors after his horrible experience working on Mimic.