Archive for the ‘Shameless Self Promotion’ Category

New Domain Name, Change Your Bookmarks

October 2, 2008

For those of you not in the know, the hip thing among the kids these days is to squeeze a little money out of your blogs, no matter how personal and unvisited they might be. Since I’ll be taking over the web hosting fees for PopFi soonishly, I went ahead and registered the domain subtlebluntness.com for myself. If you wouldn’t mind turning your many bookmarks in that direction, I would be forever in your debt.

So, Ron, when will you pollute your blog with official advertisements, and not just shameless self-whoring posts?

I don’t know, Strangely Abusive Internal Monologue. Maybe never, given how well my whole ‘port over old movie reviews from Living Corpse and add more to them’ plan went. Maybe as soon as this weekend. You can never tell with me, I just like to make sure everyone is warned well ahead of time, just in case.

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The BastardCast Is Here

October 1, 2008

Hey gang. For those of you that have iPods or other MP3 playing devices, let’s try something different tonight. Instead of stealing music like you usually do, thereby depriving Jay Z of his much-needed fifth Bentley, why don’t you do something good with your life and listen to an hour of sports talk featuring yours truly (that’s me; no, not that guy, the other one).

Head on over here and find out all the details. Subscribe to us on iTunes, download us to your MP3 player, or acid etch us onto a flat, round piece of vinyl for your listening pleasure. I promise you you’ll enjoy yourself, or your money back!

Author’s note: Money back guarantee void in the continental United States or where prohibited by law. Plus it’s free, so you don’t get money back either way. Don’t think you can cheat me, you bastards.

Shia LaBeouf is the biggest star in the world? What?!

September 30, 2008

There’s something I don’t really get. Shia LaBeouf is somehow the biggest star on the planet, and I have absolutely no idea how or why he’s gotten this way. His lifetime gross is nearly $975 million in the United States alone. He made $316 million and counting off of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and in 2007 he grossed over $485 million between turns in Disturbia, Surf’s Up, and Transformers. His debut film, Holes, made $67 million in 2003. His new movie, Eagle Eye, has taken number one this weekend with an impressive $29.2 million box office debut.

I have no idea what in the hell Shia the Beef’s appeal is, but apparently he’s got it. Either that or he’s the biggest genius at picking scripts Hollywood has ever seen, because he’s made more money at the box office over the last two years than anyone except Christian Bale (and all his box office points have come from one mighty movie which finally fell out of the top 10 this week).

Read more about my anti-obsession with Shia The Beef, the revenge of Kirk Cameron (!!), the open mocking of Dane Cook fans, and all the weekend’s box office business at Den of Geek‘s Weekly Box Office Report. I’m especially insulting this week, so it’s something you really don’t want to miss. Plus, I describe Michael Cera as a ‘teen romcom puppy’. How can you go wrong?

The Debut of Little Britain USA

September 29, 2008

Little Britain USA, based on the series Little Britain but set in America and with some new characters, made its debut last night. It was on HBO, thankfully, which means the show could push buttons as hard as they wanted, and carry out jokes to extremes. How did it go?

Here’s what I thought in long form, but in short form I can tell you that the show was crude, very funny, very offensive, and a bit shaky. It’s tough to introduce established characters like Daffyd and Carol Beer to a new audience (and the show’s use of a laugh track really sticks out on HBO), but I’m hoping it sticks around for more than its initial six-episode order.

The Venture Brothers: By Geeks, For Geeks

September 24, 2008

The best way I could describe The Venture Brothers for the newest Cultelevision article was that it was a show by geeks, for geeks. I mean, the show crams in more references to comic books, music, sci-fi, television, 80’s culture, and pop culture than I could possibly list in 10,000 words. Instead of even trying, I’ll just post a video detailing Hank Venture’s obsession with Batman.

This is why I love that show. It’s insane in the best way possible. I AM the Bat!

Burn After Reading And The Coen Brothers Abide, Man

September 22, 2008

For those of you who’ve been reading back a few months, you’ll remember my summer movie spree where I’d throw up a couple of paragraphs, shoe-horn in a link to my latest Den of Geek review (like this one for Burn After Reading), and call it a night. Mostly because I was so busy watching and reviewing everything that was coming out, I didn’t have much time for anything else.

I have a bit more time now, so I’ll do my best to place Burn After Reading in the Coen Brothers pantheon. Den of Geek did this awhile back with a Coen Ready Reckoner, but only three stars for No Country is insane. No stars from me on this version. Given that the Coen Brothers worst movie is still probably three stars from someone else, take this list with a grain of salt (except for Intolerable Cruelty, Catherine Zeta Jones is horrible). Also, it’s been awhile since I’ve watched some of these movies, so forgive me if I slag off on your favorite. I’m also cutting out movies they only directed parts of.

Anyway, here we go.

The Big Lebowski (I can’t count how many times I’ve watched this one, and it stays funny.)
No Country For Old Men
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Fargo
Burn After Reading
Raising Arizona
Miller’s Crossing
Blood Simple (I forgot how good the Brothers were at suspense.)
Barton Fink
The Man Who Wasn’t There
The Hudsucker Proxy (It didn’t get me at the time I saw it, I have to watch it again now that I’m older.)
The Ladykillers
Intolerable Cruelty

I know; I should seek out and watch Crimewave, just to see the only collaboration between the Coen Brothers, Bruce Campbell, and Sam Raimi. I’m going to catch Menno’s Mind on cable and watch it from the beginning ASAP, too. (It’s been doing the rounds on Showtime.)

Movie Withdrawals

September 10, 2008

Last weekend was the first weekend in months that I didn’t go see at least one (if not three) movies. I’m feeling strange ‘lack of big-screen radiation’ withdrawals. That’s probably why I’m craving popcorn almost constantly these days, though it could be due to the fact I don’t eat as much exploded food these days since they took Kellogg’s Napalm Krispies off the market after those kids died.

Your top movie last weekend was Nicolas Cage in Bangkok Dangerous. No doubt he was wearing another terrible wig and doing his best Elvis sneer throughout the entire movie. People must eat that stuff up, because distributors were so scared by Frank’s nephew that they didn’t bother opening any movies against his new action shooter.

I’d be scared of Nic, too. He might take my face off, like in Con Air.

Movie Theater Behavior Standards

September 3, 2008

I’ve been going to the movies a lot lately, and every time I do one of my weekend box office reports at Den of Geek, I’m reminded of my previous moviegoing experiences. I’m kind of a movie experience snob (though I do love eating and drinking during movies when it’s beer and real food), but considering that most people shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house, I usually abstain. Meanwhile, everyone around me is crunching, texting, talking, gesturing wildly, shifting around, kicking the back of my chair, and generally causing me to fly into a rage.

Rather than rant about that, I’ll just show you the trailer I think needs to play before every movie. Maybe the morons will get the message, then. Plus it’s absolutely the funniest part of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters.

That’s going to replace the Mercenaries 2 commercial song as my newest ear worm.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) review

August 26, 2008

I kind of want to say George Lucas raped my childhood with his CGI animated version of The Clone Wars, but he didn’t. He just… disappointed my childhood, like he couldn’t even properly brutalize my good memories of Star Wars. It’s a little like expecting to be molested by your drunken stepfather, but then realizing he likes your brother better. You’re kind of glad you didn’t get what you thought you were going to get, but you still feel a little rejected and confused.

Of course, I’ll probably still watch the TV series, because I’m still hopelessly a Star Wars fan, but the love in my heart for Luke and Leia and Chewie isn’t what it once was.

Death Race (2008) Review

August 24, 2008

I have a problem with any movie based heavily on cars. They always affect me a bit too much, and usually not for the best. Here’s an example:

After I saw Grindhouse, I sped all the way home. Not just like a little speeding, I mean a lot speeding. I had the highway to myself, so I just put the hammer down. Not all the way, but farther than I usually speed. After watching Paul W.S. Anderson’s remake of the 1975 cult classic Death Race 2000, I wanted to strap some .50 caliber machine guns onto the roof of my 1992 Buick four-door and drop a chunk of 6-inch-thick steel armor plating onto the jerk who tailgated me all the way home.

If you’re ready to go out and run down old ladies for extra points, read my Death Race review here. Actually, they took out the points system in this one, which is a shame. I loved the scene below.

Which only goes to show that even the fearsome Frankenstein has a 100% red-blooded American sense of humor!