Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

The BastardCast Is Here

October 1, 2008

Hey gang. For those of you that have iPods or other MP3 playing devices, let’s try something different tonight. Instead of stealing music like you usually do, thereby depriving Jay Z of his much-needed fifth Bentley, why don’t you do something good with your life and listen to an hour of sports talk featuring yours truly (that’s me; no, not that guy, the other one).

Head on over here and find out all the details. Subscribe to us on iTunes, download us to your MP3 player, or acid etch us onto a flat, round piece of vinyl for your listening pleasure. I promise you you’ll enjoy yourself, or your money back!

Author’s note: Money back guarantee void in the continental United States or where prohibited by law. Plus it’s free, so you don’t get money back either way. Don’t think you can cheat me, you bastards.


May 15, 2008

I am absoultely worn out. Yet, here I am. It’s close enough to 3:30 in the morning, and I cannot even get close to sleep. My mind, as usual, is just flying around.

The fact that I watched the confrontation between Buzz Bissinger and Will Leitch again probably isn’t helping me. I already vented a significant helping of bile over this issue at Chez Coma, and in emails to various people, but it still infuriates me. Not just for the ignorance of what Bissinger said (and the way he said it), but because I don’t think being in the press box makes you in any way, shape, or form more qualified to comment on a game than watching it on a nice HDTV with close-ups, replays, and generally superior presentation. Not that I have a nice HDTV, but I know that the TV camera can get a hell of a lot closer than I could to any professional sporting event.

Anyway, I don’t want to get into that yet again. That happened weeks ago, and in the Internet world, that may as well be something from 20 years ago. No sense beating Eight Belles.

In new business, I don’t think Buzz Bissinger has eyebrows. Seriously. It’s creepy. He’s got a bit of a post-horse Christopher Reeve thing going on and it’s really giving me the willies. That’s probably why I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see Buzz Bissinger with a stack of deadspin posts, reading to me angrily about Rich Garces’ magnificent tits.

In the words of Old Timey Homestar Runner, “That monster’s gonna give me nightmares!”

Kentucky Derby 134

May 3, 2008

It was a great race. Big Brown, if he can keep from getting hurt, is the real deal. He’s a monsterous horse in size, he looks great, and he tore through 1 1/4 miles like it was a walk down the street. He even had enough energy after the race to bite his accompanying horse on the ear a few times. But unfortunately, that great story about the homeless trainer who comes back from nothing to win the biggest race in horse racing is overshadowed because of one unfortunate animal.

Friday I was discussing the Derby with my horse-friend Katie, who was absolutely thrilled with the fact that someone had balls enough to enter another filly into the Derby. Not only was Larry Jones entering her into the Derby, he was going for a historic Oaks/Derby double, and he had a damn good shot at it. That roan beauty was named Eight Belles, and she ran her heart out today. I thought for sure she was going to be gassed at the end, but she held on, she kept fighting, and she finished a strong (and well paying, at $16.80) second place.

Unfortunately, all it takes is one wrong step.

There’s no telling how it happened. She might’ve stopped too short. Sometimes it just happens, but when she went down and when I saw the two equine ambulances there, I knew exactly what was going on.

I’m not a huge fan of racing. I know more about it than the average person, sure. I’ve been to Derby and Oaks and to the track in general dozens of times, and there’s one nasty little bit of business I never want to see ever again, and it’s an unspoken secret amongst rail birds. If there’s one equine ambulance, then there’s a chance the horse will live. If there’s two ambulances? They’re putting the horse down.

It’s gut-wrenching to know that there’s a big, beautiful animal suffering, both front ankles shattered. It’s even more gut-wrenching when you’re one of the few people who realizes what’s going on while NBC remains blissfully clueless. I know it has to be even worse for the jockeys, trainers, and handlers there, who have to temper the celebration of the greatest day in racing with the knowledge that somewhere there’s a trainer and a jock who had to watch a horse they’ve grown to know and love be put to rest, especially when she was as talented as Eight Belles.

Congratulations to Kent Desormeaux, Richard Dutrow, and of course, Big Brown. Big Brown’s going to eat the Preakness alive, and given how strong he ran this race, if his trainer can keep his foot problems from flaring up, he’s got gas enough in the tank to win the Belmont. I’m just hoping we don’t see him get hurt, too.

I always figured it’d take a public tragedy like this to get Churchill to consider going to polytrack. We’ll see how that goes after this meet. If anything would cause them to make the switch from dirt, this is it.

Choose your own post title

November 7, 2007

Do you want to call this post the Miami Hurricraps, or the Miami Crappicanes?

Either way, I’m going to indulge in a little schadenfreude and rub Ginger‘s nose in the crapulence of her hometown college’s shitty, shitty football team. Kirby Freeman sucked the other day. He was, quite possibly, the suckiest suck that ever sucked. And I couldn’t be happier to see him get hammered by NC State.

It’s not that I hate the kid personally; however, he is a Miami Hurricane and thus, I do hate everything he stands for when he puts that prisoner orange and pea green jersey on. He might be the nicest kid in the world, but if he is, why is he playing for Convict U? That fact alone tells me he probably has bodies buried under the floorboards of his house or that he picks up his women at the middle (junior high) school.

I think the most I’ve ever celebrated a college football win is not Kentucky beating LSU, but Louisville beating the evil Miami Hurricanes. I was so pleased by the flek when I saw it I wrote about it not only at the Flektor Development Blog and Sports Bastards, but also here.

That’s right, one clip montage set to the Beck song “Loser” inspired three different posts about how much I hate Luther Campbell University. In your face, Jimmy Johnson!

Geaux to hell, LSU.

October 13, 2007




Hey LSU, remember when you ran the score up last year? Go fuck yourselves with an alligator. Welcome to parity, bitches!


July 13, 2007

So this week I’ve written three things for Den of Geek.  One of them, my Transformers review, is already ready for viewing.  The other two things, an article on why America’s Big Brother sucks and what Endemol can do to make it better and an article on Jason Statham as the new karate guy, will be up and ready for reading shortly.

I’ve had a very productive week.  It’s been awesome.  I’m thoroughly enjoying myself over at DoG, even if it means I don’t write quite as much over at SportsBastards (baseball isn’t my thing anyway, and it’s all that’s in season) or here.  Hopefully one day I’ll get paid for it, to boot.  That’d rock my socks off.