brains brains, the musical fruit

I was going to do a legitimate post, but while I’m working on that, have a video of a zombie outbreak instead. I could complain about how real zombies don’t have heat signatures, but that would take away from how good the video is despite the logical inconsistencies. Then again, as anyone could tell you, I’m something of a pedant about my zombie attack videos. So instead of complaining, I’ll tell a Yakov Smirnoff joke.

In America, you eat the flesh of the dead. In Soviet Russia, the dead eat you!

Raising Hell, The Web Comic

So, thanks to the great and wonderful Jade, who is always looking out for me, I’ve discovered what is probably the best webcomic I’ve ever read. It’s called Raising Hell. It’s as good as anything on the comic book store shelves right now, if not better because it usually comes out on time, and… yeah, go check it out.

It hits all my spots. There’s punk rock, zombies, romance, a redheaded sexpot heroine, violence, binge drinking, zombies, a house party, a reference to House Party, comedy, and of course, ZOMBIES! WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS?! GO GO GO! You’re missing out! If any of this stuff even remotely appeals to you, then you’ll thank me. Even if you don’t like this stuff, check it out anyway.

Brilliant. Totally brilliant.

Square Down, as opposed to Round Up.

Hey gang. I know I got tagged for a meme awhile back, and I’ll get to that eventually. Until then, allow me to expand your mind a bit by reminding you of some brilliant pop culture stuff that you missed the first time around.

First of all, for fans of The Groundlings, there’s the brilliant Night Stand, and my Cultelevision take on said program. Sadly, no one else remembers this show but me, but that’s okay. Most people have awful taste in TV anyway, and the important thing is I liked the show. It’s a hilarious spoof of daytime talk shows, and as daytime shows get weirder and weirder, Night Stand has never seen more dead-on.

Secondly, for the gaming dorks, we’ve got two entries. I’ve written about Second Life before, but now there’s actually something to do IN Second Life thanks to the surprisingly fun despite the shitty Linden grid, I Am Legend: Survivor. It’s survival horror meets third-person shooter, and it’s probably the closest thing we’ll ever get to the zombie-themed MMO I’ve always wanted.

In other things I’m craving MMO versions of, we’ve got my favorite computer RPG of all time, the innovative and deep Fallout. Man, I love this game; even to this day, it’s on my hard drive and I still fire it up from time to time. Not only are they working on Fallout 3 as we speak, they’re also working on a Fallout MMO! Huzzah! (now let’s hope they actually finish the damn thing!)

Other than writing like 6 things this week, I haven’t done a damn thing.

please

dontturnoffthelightsdontturnoffthelightsdontturnoffthelightsdontturnofftheli

more

shes got friends but I don’t know how many it has to be a lot of them

i can hear them groaning and slap slap slapping against the walls breaking glass breaking fingernails breaking me

i can smell them through the air conditioner sickly sweet like orchids and blood

tvs still broacasting but brian williams is going crazy you can see it in his eyes so hollow and deadcold

i wish theyd shut up i cant take all the fucking noise the cd player just makes them groan louder

not good

oh fuck oh fuck I dropped my gun out the fucking window oh fuck I’m so fucking dead it’s not even funny I was going to shoot one that came up to the back door and started pounding on it but she reached out and grabbed me and I dropped the fucking gun and now I’m fucking panicking

irregularly-scheduled program.

The last local station signed off at 2:15 this afternoon. We’re getting the New York bunker feed now. Brian Williams looks like he’s been through hell. You and me both, buddy.

we must protect this house

I couldn’t find anything worth a damn in the garage to block the windows to the front porch, but I did find pressboard enough to cover the window in the back door. I broke the legs off the kitchen table and rolled it into the living room to cover most of the front window. Put a few nails into it, and for good measure, I pushed the bed half of the sectional against it to boot.

My back is killing me now. I forgot how heavy that mother was.

Phones are finally done for. No busy signal on the house phone or the cell; not even the soothing operator.

I went around and filled up the bathtubs. The water’s out in other places, and I don’t want to take my chances.

we are in a world of shit, joker

Things are getting out of hand. Not just here.

Australia, New Zealand, Great Britain… they’re everywhere.

Look at this, on the front page of CNN.com. Still think it’s a stunt to promote a movie? Still think this is just the work of terrorists or rioters, that we should wait it out and hope that the government will restore order?

Will all due respect, fuck you, and definitely fuck them. I’ve got nowhere else to go, and I’m not going to risk traveling to Ft. Knox, when I don’t even think I can make it to the Pic-Pac and back in my car. I’ve got a little bit of food, and all our utilities are underground, so barring something major, I’ll have power for as long as I’ll need it.

Love him or hate him, Ronald Reagan was right about one thing when he said, “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.'”

the fading scream of a dying ambulance

Guess who realized that, less than two miles away from his house, is a hospital teeming with probably-reanimated corpses? Yeah, me. I don’t hear the sirens from Mary & Elizabeth anymore; that’s probably not a good sign. TV says they’re opening up rescue stations for the displaced at Ft. Knox, among other places. They’re, from what I can tell, trying to move people out of the city and into the old county, where there’s not as many dead people shambling around.

Yeah, right. I’ll put my faith in the government. I remember what happened during Katrina. I’m going to head out to the garage and the shed to see if we have anything I can use to board up the windows and the back door. The other windows are too high off the ground to get to.

I’ve got a gun with me, but I haven’t shot it in years. Good thing they don’t run around too much. From what I’ve seen on TV, you can pretty much walk right up to them and shoot them. You’re only fucked if you’re surrounded. They’re pretty slow, and not very smart, but I have no doubt I’ll be up to my balls in them sooner, rather than later. If I stick around here long.

Wish me luck, kids. If I live, I’ll let you know.