Posts Tagged ‘film reviews’

Mirrors (2008) Review and a note for Kiefer Sutherland

August 29, 2008

Dear Kiefer,

I just saw Mirrors this week. Here’s my review, if you’re interested. I’ll give you some time to have your personal assistant read it to you.

Okay, are you done? Good, good. Let’s continue.

Listen, Kief… can I call you Kief? Too bad. Anyway, Kief, you’re on a hit TV show where you play the indestructible secret agent Jack Bauer. You run around and shoot all the terrorists, save America, and never once shower or go to the bathroom in the course of 24 hours. It’s a big hit, everyone loves it, everyone loves you, and life has to be pretty sweet when you’re not drunkenly assaulting Christmas trees.

There’s a problem, though. The show 24 is on hiatus until 2009. Most actors who play a well-known TV character end up getting typecast, because everyone looks at you and they don’t see David from the Lost Boys, they see the guy who has been killing terrorists on TV for years. Most actors, when given a break from their series, immediately go out and try to make a movie that will remind everyone that the face on TV is that of an actor who can play any sort of role.

But not you, Kief. You’re different enough, and drunk enough, to go out during your break from playing a gun-toting, mystery-solving, terrorist-chasing badass to… play a movie where you play a gun-toting, mystery-solving, ghost-chasing badass. You used your break from 24 to make a crossover movie between The X-Files and 24. Congratulations, you fucking genius.

I look forward to seeing you on Sci-Fi Channel Original Pictures chasing horribly-done CGI gorillas 5 years after 24 comes to a close.

Cheers,

Ron

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Pineapple Express (2008) Review

August 8, 2008

You guys have no idea how proud I am of my half-brother Seth Rogen today. Last night I went to see his new movie, Pineapple Express, and I really enjoyed it. I consider it a knowing birthday present to me, and it was very nice of him.

Sure he doesn’t call as much as I’d like, or ever, but I know he’s thinking of me from his palacial Hollywood mansion when he’s not busy snorting cocaine off of supermodels and living every fat dude’s dream. Plus he’s growing the beard back, which I obviously approve of.