Posts Tagged ‘NBC’

Fear Itself 1.04 – The Forbidden Review Too Hot For DoG!

June 27, 2008

Here’s the official Fear Itself review for Den of Geek. Well, actually, it’s an explanation of why there is no review of this week’s Fear Itself at DoG, not a review itself. My original review, which you’ll find below, was a bit too… virulent, I suppose, for publication. I don’t blame them for not really itching to put it out there, as not only is it a little too controversial for what they’re trying to accomplish, it’s also completely disorganized.

That said, controversial and disorganized sounds like a blog entry anyway, so I figure I’d throw my 15 readers a treat. Instead of promotion something I wrote for Den of Geek here, I’ll give you something I wrote for Den of Geek that they thought best not to use. I don’t blame them; they have enough trolls over there without me adding to it by bringing up pedophilia and child abuse. I had my doubts as I was writing it as to whether or not it would end up publishable, and I figure they made the right call.

Disclaimer: It goes without saying that the views expressed below are my own (and those of the state of California). They don’t reflect back on anywhere I write at, nor do they reflect the views of any organization, past, present, or future, that may employ me and blah blah blah, covering my ass. Furthermore, nobody do anything fucking stupid and blame me for it. Further furthermore, don’t fuck little kids and tape it.

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Ron Gets Smart

June 24, 2008

I know I promised to do a movie review a week here at the ol’ homestead, but I’ve just been too busy doing movie reviews where people will read them. I know you’re terribly disappointed, all 9 of you who read my blog faithfully. Well, it’d better be faithfully, because if you’re cheating on me and reading other blogs on the side then I’ll cry and cry my little eyes out you heartbreakers! How could you do this to me?! How could you do this to our blog family?! WHY?!?!?!

Ahem, sorry. Too much “Cheating Spouses Exposed!” on Maury. Got a little carried away with the dramatics.

I know I said I’d do a movie review a week here at the blog, but I’ve just been too busy doing high quality first-run movie reviews over at Den of Geek where an adoring audience of hundreds of people see my post titles and continue on about their day without stopping to read or comment, which is a refreshing change of pace from the usual troll I attract. Must be my pants made out of troll bait or my billy-goats Gruff shoes.

On that note, would you believe that I saw and loved the new Get Smart movie this weekend? No? Well, how about that Get Smart was the #1 movie at the box office this weekend? Well, what if I told you that one day I will eventually get back on my movie reviewing horse (I named him Horse With No Name) and ride out to Bad Horror Hill and shoot down the Bert I. Gordon gang, then review whatever awful movies I come across? Is that better?

I promise, one day soon I’ll start reviewing more of the crap I smear on my eyeballs and force into my brain (thanks, TV!). Then after you read it and gouge out your eyes in horror at what I put myself through, you’ll have no one to blame but yourselves for making me actually follow through on my dumb promise. Well, yourself and the Sci-Fi Channel, I guess. I swear, NBC Universal owns more bad movies than Lloyd Kaufman and Roger Corman put together, and I just.

Can’t.

Stop.

Watching.

Why Aren’t You Watching Fear Itself?

June 23, 2008

Sure Fear Itself had a rocky first episode, but if you stuck with it like I did, well… you’ve been rewarded. Episode 2 was excellent (and I forgot to link myself here last week when the review went up), and Episode 3, from the pen of Daniel Knauf (creator of Carnivale) was one of the best things I’ve seen on TV this year. If you’re not checking this show out, you should. It’s free online, so there’s no excuse not to. It’s turning into a great show.

If you’re not checking out the show, at least go read my reviews, so I can feel important and/or special. Thank you for your support. /Bartles & Jaymes

I kind of fear Fear Itself

June 6, 2008

Like those few folks that watched it, I got burned by Masters of Horror. Badly, I might add, as I tried to defend the show after it was past the point of all reasonable defense and just ended up sounding like a moron. “Hey!” I’d pout. “Dance of the Dead was still pretty good if you compare it to Homecoming! Dreams of the Witch House had some nice tits in it, too!” Eventually, as the crap continued to flow, Dario Argento got censored on pay TV, and Takeshi Miike was banned by fucking Showtime, I gave up.

When the second season started up, I tried to watch The Damned Thing (because I like Tobe Hooper and Boondock Saint Sean Patrick Flannery and thought it might be an improvement), but after that awful mess I simply gave up on the whole concept. Ditto Masters of Science Fiction, as if they couldn’t get Paul Verheoeven or Ridley Scott or James Cameron or Dan O’Bannon then it was hardly Masters of Anything, no matter how many Harlan Ellison stories you buy up.

Despite this, when NBC crowed about launching a new horror anthology, I was there. Even once I found out it was just basically a third series of Masters of Horror, just with less Masters and less Horror. At least now there’s the excuse of network standards and practices if the episodes turn out sub par. Fortunately, last night’s episode was actually pretty good for a spam in a cabin vampire tale. If nothing else, it entertained me unlike a whole lot of the Masters of Horror episodes, and it featured some very blonde Eastern European girls, which I can only assume has to be the result of generations of inbreeding, as every Soviette I’ve ever known has been brunette.

All that talk about how Masters of Horror was a horror-able disappointment has depressed me. Think when I get home I’ll cheer myself up by watching Snatch.

TV Party 2-Nite.

October 10, 2007

TV Party tonight! TV Party tonight!

The Office 4:02 – “Dunder Mifflin Infinity”

Reaper 1:02 – “Charged”

Look for me, when I get caught up with my work, to add The Bionic Woman to my list of shows I’m reviewing over at Den of Geek. You guys should head on over and leave some comments. That way I can feel like someone actually reads my posts over there.

TV Funhouse: Season/Series Premier Edition

October 2, 2007

And just what is all this? Why, series premiers, of course! Two things to chew on for you folks today, courtesy of Den of Geek and your old pal Ron.

The Office 4:01 – “Fun Run”

Reaper 1:01 – “Pilot”

Is “Reaper” worth watching? Is “The Office” still the best comedy on television? Will Ron ever write an original blog posting again, or will he just continually link to stuff he does elsewhere with little faux write-ups designed to make you think this is a fresh post, when it’s really just shameless self-promotion? What’s the deal with the third person?

Find out all this and more by clicking on yonder links!